grumpyoldwoman

From trivial to controversial

2012-01-17T18:05:00.003Z

Is anyone else bothered by the starving baby adverts on at dinner time?
Usually they are aired just as I wipe my last piece of garlic bread in my carbonara sauce.
I then dont know whether to turn away, switch channels or feel sick.
Oxfam has (of late) been quite a controversial charity. Many wealthy celebs have moved away from it as it no longer uses as much of its funding to provide contraceptive choices to the poor families who cant afford (monetarily or physically) to have more babies.
Obviously when I see a starving baby I want to reach out and rescue it - but is that really an option?
Should the parents have considered that they cannot provide for another child and until they can they should look after themselves and the family they already have rather than bring another child into the world?
I have 4 children and when I discovered I was expecting Honey I was joyful and devastated all in the same moment. We hadnt budgetted for another child, our home wasnt big enough, or our car. We both worked full-time (I worked nights as we couldnt afford childcare) and we felt our family was complete.
After a very stressful couple of weeks we came to terms with being a four-child family and knuckled down and got on with it. We couldnt afford foreign holidays or trips to the zoo but we had a week at the coast most years and kept an eye out for special offers so that our children did not feel they were missing out. We welcomed Honey into our lives and felt blessed to have her.
As my parents would say: We cut our clothes to suit our cloth.
We were lucky to be able to manage. We lived in a country that supported families with child benefit and working child credit. We had a choice.
The parents in the third world have a choice, but they are not educated to think like we do, they believe that their children are their wealth - what a mis-conception (no pun intended) that is!
If I truly felt that we as a nation could wave a magic wand and irradicate child poverty and starvation then I would dig deep and send all I could to this worthy cause.
I dont actually believe that sending money to Oxfam will achieve that aim.
So, until a 'cure' is found could they please stop airing these distressing adverts at meal times?
I work hard and when I get home I want to enjoy a meal with MM without feeling like I dont deserve it.
I dont object when Children In Need asks for support - I can see what the money is going to and the good it does. I know when the programme will be aired and I can choose when to watch it.
I have a friend who goes to the Third World with a group and they use their skills, building, plumbing etc to help individual villages to help themselves. I would rather support them - and all without being made to feel guilty of a crime I didnt commit.

WAITROSE - Hang your head in shame

2012-01-14T18:56:00.007Z

I have invented a new job for which I am qualified.
I want to be a person who stands next to the shoppers queueing in the '10 items or fewer aisle' and all I will be required to do is count their items.
The reason there is a vacancy for this post is that so many shoppers are unable to count.
And the cashiers are unable to guessimate the contents of an overloaded basket.

I will then announce to the unlucky shopper 'Clearly Sir/Madam, you have 17 items, this disqualifies you from this till. Kindly join another queue and leave the shoppers with 10 items or fewer to get through this till in a reasonable time'
This has all been prompted by an episode in WAITROSE. I certainly had to WAIT while the shopper had her 17 items put through the till. I also had to WAIT while she searched her bag for her purse and then decided to count all her change before she reaslised she did not have enough cash for SEVENTEEN items. This was followed by her indecision as to which card to use.
Luckily for me the pensioner in front of me heard my heavy sigh and saw me check my watch and spotted that I had ONE item. She kindly allowed me to go in front of her which meant that I just got back to work on time. She ROSE to the occasion.
The cashier on the other hand totally ignored our grumbling about the previous customer

I wrote to the Customer Care Team at WAITROSE and this was their reply:
'I was most concerned to learn of your experience when shopping at our Bury St Edmunds branch, and I hope you will accept my apologies that this has occurred. I have taken this opportunity to forward your concerns to the Management Team at the branch so that they may investigate this matter and take any appropriate action. If you would like to discuss this further, please do not hesitate to make yourself known to a member of the Management Team when you are next shopping with us, so that we can address your concerns in person.'

Well! Do they really think I will bother repeating this experience? Inadequate service, inadequate response.

Nagging required

2012-01-05T20:41:00.004Z

I have been suffering lately from a pain in my head. Just before Xmas it got so bad that I went to the docs and was diagnosed with a sinus infection for which I had full-strength antibiotics. They helped a lot but the pain and pressure is still there.
So I am thinking - what if its dental pain?
I HATE going to the dentists - but then does anyone actually LIKE going to the dentist?
I hate it so much that I got de-registered from my last clinic.
When I met MM he persuaded me to register with his dentist and I filled in all the forms but never went for my inaugural appointment.
My youngest son actually had a phobia about dentists to the extent that all his treatment had to be under full anaesthetic. I am not THAT bad.
But I am ashamed to say that youngest son now goes happily for root canal work and extractions without a murmur (after finding a very understanding dentist) while I wont even go for a check-up.
I have given birth to 4 children, 2 of them without pain relief.
I have had a broken thigh, hysterectomy, half-knee replacement and removal of appendix.
These things have to be many times worse than having any dental treatment - but still I wont go.
I am hoping that someone will shame me into going before my mouth turns into a dark cave full of festering broken stubs of green teeth.
(Puts fingers in ears and hums loudly so cant hear shouts of derision)......

Happy New Year

2011-12-30T13:39:00.003Z

Well, its been a bit of a year really.
Full of highs and lows.
Much as anyone elses I suppose.
I am debating whether or not to carry on with this blog as blogging seems to be on the wane.
I find it cathartic to post on here - its almost like a diary as I dont personally know many of my followers and I disguise my identity to prevent causing unnecessary hurt to friends and family when I feel the need to vent.
Social networking sites and Tweeting seem to be all the rage now although I have never really 'got' Twitter.
I am not going to make any New Year Resolutions as I dont feel the need to 'set a date' to change anything about my life.
Mightg see you in the New Year - might not!

Not grumpy - just sad

2011-11-22T16:42:00.002Z

Sad news - my lovely friend passed away on Remembrance Sunday.
She had been so strong for so long and was just plain worn out.
Although I wanted her to be free of the 'prison' into which the cancer had put her, I wanted her how she was before she was ill, rather than gone.
MM and I went to be with her when she was 'leaving' but she beat us to it.
I think she made the traffic lights go red so that we didnt have to witness the end.
We spent some time with her and helped her family as best we could and then we went home and tried to sleep (she died at 3.30 am).
After laying looking at the ceiling for an hour we got up again.
I couldnt bring myself to watch the Remembrance Day Service but I did have the 3 minutes silence. Never has it been more poignant.
I am not grumpy (for once) - I am miserable.
Things keep tripping me up - certain songs especially.
I dont want to be a misery - she would have hated that.
I want her to carry on seeing the world through my eyes.
MM and I went to London for the weekend and how she would have loved Wicked and We Will Rock You.
How she would have 'oo'ed and 'ah'ed at the Xmas Lights.
How she would have raged at the actavists 'occupying' London.
How she would have got us all lost on the Tube and made us late for the Theatre.
She will not be gone while everything I do reminds me of her.
Love always, sleep well my Jean-Jeanie x

How is this possible?????

2011-11-10T19:53:00.001Z

Article in newspaper today:
woman loses 9 stone, is now 5' 6", weighs 12 stone 2 pounds, and is a size 12!

I am 5' 4 and a half", weigh 10 stone 2 pounds, and am a size 12.

One of us is lying...........

No, I dont want to - and you cant make me.

2011-10-18T14:43:00.004+01:00

I was minding my own business walking purposefully towards the centre of town to do the post and banking when I was stopped by a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (what a mouthful - even their name is self-important). Well, I say A member, what I mean is one of two members (they travel in pairs, never alone). He stood right in front of me, making me do an emergency stop and asked if he could talk to me (no, he could not). I was so shocked at his sudden appearance that without thinking I said 'Jesus Christ'! On being told that NO, I did not want to talk to him (or his friend) he wished me a 'nice day'. WHY do people who are annoying you for no good reason always wish you a 'nice day' when you turn them down. It is sanctamonious in the extreme - I was having a perfectly nice day until he appeared.

I cant abide people who want to share their personal beliefs with me. I like playing Mah Jong and Scrabble but I dont pounce on strangers and try to persaude them to do the same. I am English (or British if you write forms which dont regard English as a Nationality - and dont get me started on THAT one), and we English are private people. We like to keep our own council, we are not comfortable around people who express their feelings 24/7. I have many English friends who are churchgoers and not once have they tried to indoctrinate me into their faith.

Of course once they had gone I thought of several more eloquent replies than 'NO'. My favourite is 'Yes, of course you can talk to me, I will make you an appointment and you can talk to me in my office. I only charge £50 per minute. My time is precious and I thoroughly disapprove of people who waste it. Now, when would you like to come and talk to me?"

2011-10-14T14:03:00.006+01:00

Back from an amazing holiday in the Cape Verde Islands. We went to Boa Vista, the most easterly of the islands - which are situated off the west coast of Senegal.

The island itself is a mixture of third world and 21st century. The Cape Verdeans live in basic houses with unfinished roofs (nobody finishes a building as then they would have to pay tax), with stone floors, minimal furniture and flat-screen TVs and sky dishes!

There is no running water as the island ran out of water years ago and there are still areas where the locals go to fetch water for washing etc. There is a nursery school (up to age 6), a junior school (6-12 years) and a teens building with library, internet etc.

They have a philosophy of 'no stress' which is kind of nice and kind of an excuse for when things dont go to plan.

On the edge of this barren land hotels are springing up at a tremendous rate as anyone can build as long as it is not on the beach itself. At the moment there are long stretches of clean white sand and pounding waves.

The roads are mostly still cobbled and you actually have to go off road to visit a lot of places. In the middle of the island is a desert which has blown over from the Sahara. There is a new road which has been built from the airport to half-way to one of the new hotels. The locals agreed to finish the road which the hotel had funded - and then built another road on the other side of the island instead - no stress!

Dont go there if you like hiring a car - there is nowhere to go. Dont go there expecting lots of touristy shops - the souvenir shops in the towns are all the same and sell the same stuff imported from Africa (there are even three enterprising locals who sell their wares in the desert). Dont go to snorkel or to surf (the waves are too fierce and the fish are not particularly colourful).

Do go there if you want to see the island before it gets too commercialised. Do go there if you want complete rest and relaxation. Do go there if you want beautiful beaches and warm sea.

I can honestly say that there were only 3 things that made me grumpy the whole time we were there - the mosquitoes, the desalinated water used in the ice-cubes and the people who wasted food (usually the people who could have done with eating less in the first place).

No stress.

Job'seekers'?

2011-09-16T11:11:00.003+01:00

I work very near to our local Jobcentre Plus and every time I walk past I seethe.
How much do us taxpayers fork out for the unemployed?
They can afford taxis, fags and Starbucks coffees.
They wear the latest fashions.
They have nail and hair extensions (the women that is) and tattoos and piercings (both sexes).

When honey was jobless she used to go to every session available and always stayed behind for help to update her CV and to check out any new vacancies, while the other 'job-seekers' (and I use that term lightly) rushed across the road to claim back their taxi-fares! Once she had to chase the official out of the building as he had never had anyone take him up on his offer of extra help and left assuming that no-one would be interested!

When MM's son was jobless he attended the YMCA who helped him to secure a full-time job. He returned to thank them with a box of chocolates and they were astounded as 'no-one ever thanks us'.

I dont advocate going back to the days of no assistance but I do feel that we can be too helpful. When someone has been unemployed for over 6 months they should be obliged to take any job, no matter how overqualified they are, rather than continue to claim benefits.

This angry tirade was prompted by a pregnant girl of Eastern European origin, with hair extensions, full make-up and beautiful nails stepping out of a taxi with a starbucks in one hand and a fag in the other and heading up the steps of the Jobcentre; while I was racing to get to work with my packed lunch and grotty nails. How lovely it would be to be able to afford her lifestyle!!!!

Stressed? Me?

2011-08-30T20:46:00.003+01:00

Honey is stuck in Spain
Missed her flight - twice - dont ask
No money - no fone - dont ask
British Consulate advice - get her to get into a taxi with a spanish policeman.....
You what? would you? I wouldnt!
Airport wont page her or let me speak to her
Consulate wont contact airport
She is 20
penniless
foneless
and all alone
and our consulate are about as useful as a chocolate teapot
MM paid for her to fly home tomorrow with BA -business class
Could have had a holiday with what it cost
Dont you just love MM?
I am furious with her and desperate to help her all at the same time
She will be paying us back for this (in many ways) for a long time to come
Stressed?
Me?
Whatever makes you think that????/

What if I dont want to have a nice day?

2011-08-24T14:08:00.004+01:00

I have just been to Wilkinsons. I bought a pair of heel grips, a bath scrunchy and two packs of their own brand diarrhoea-curing tablets (you can never have too many of those when you about to go to 'foreign').

I am quite sure this massive purchase did not need the response it received from the cashier.

To whit:
Cashier (Big smile - lots of eye contact) : 'How are you today'
Me (no smile - avoid eye contact at all costs) : Fine
C: Just going to work/just left off work (studying my badge)
M: On lunch-hour
C: Are you having a good day
M: Yup
C: Busy?
M: complete and utter silence
C: Well, have a nice day anyway.....

I would like to apologise to the poor cashier who has obviously been trained to be as welcoming and interested and friendly as possible to the customers. If I met him socially and he was that interested in me I would probably want to have his babies; but I met him in a shop, in my lunch hour, when I wasnt even buying anything exciting.

May I suggest that Wilkinsons trains their staff to enquire:'Are you Grumpy'? Then we might get off on the right foot.

Anti-social networking versus blogging

2011-08-22T13:15:00.004+01:00

Every now and then I think of giving up my blog. The world of 'social networking' or, as I prefer to call it 'anti-social networking' seems to have taken over from blogging to a certain extent.

But then I think about how I can say what I truly feel on my blog without offending people I only know vaguely who have decided they are my 'friends' and I havent had the heart to tell they are not.

I can have a good old moan and even if no-one comments then I have got it off my chest. If I do that on 'faceache' then someone is bound to either tell me to cheer up or to jump on the bandwagon and tell me how much worse their life is than mine.

Also I dont do 'washing your dirty laundry in public' - my Mother would kill me! So many people put incendiary comments on there that require a polite 'whats up' - really, to be honest, if they are my true friends I expect them to tell me without involving the rest of the world and its uncle.

I am pleased that these comments are now reaping what they sow. A local lad was taken to court for 'inciting to riot' after posting a very foolish comment - and I also see that papers can be served via faceache - theres no hiding from the law if you tell everyone your personal business.

I find that I cant help myself - if someone owes me money then I am checking their status for how they spend their social time and getting cross that they are wining, dining and holidaying.

I recently received a vitriolic comment on my status from a 'friend' who thought I did not respond often enough to her comments. I wasnt aware that it was compulsory to reply to everything posted - but apparently it is very bad manners NOT to. I made her my UNfriend and enjoyed doing so. When I next see her I shall explain - after I remove her fist from my face probably....

But heres the thing - I could just remove MYSELF from faceache but I AM ADDICTED!

Some people get right up my nose!

2011-08-19T15:14:00.001+01:00

I'd like to buy the world - A DEODERANT!
Especially the men in their seventies wearing check shirts and tank tops with socks and sandals - aaarrrggghhh!

So to speak....

2011-07-28T17:27:00.002+01:00

Wassup? Thas kk. No worries. Dis is not my beeswax. B4 u arse, I ent gorn mad, am just speakin da lingo.

Hmm - do I need to flick my fingers now?

Am I alone in hating the way the English language is being polluted?

I think the strangest one is kk (for OK) - how did someone manage to do that?

GOW is NOT grumpy

2011-07-13T10:16:00.002+01:00

Picture the scene: Queueing in Poundland with 1 item, its 10 to 9 (I officially start work at 9), I am 5 minutes walk from work, the person in front of me has TWO - yes TWO trollies full of groceries, she knows the cashier, they chat, and they chat, and they chat, eventually she gets a large carrier bag and spends about 30 seconds shaking it open, they chat some more. Sigh....
At this point, GOW leans forward and says politely (yes, I know, but honest guvnor I was polite) 'would anyone mind dreadfully if I queue jump as I have just one item and the correct money and I am now late for work' - stunned silence. The clock ticks, the 2 women stare at each other in amazement. 'Well' says the cashier 'I dont see why not'. My faith in human nature is restored and for once, I AM NOT GRUMPY!

Here comes summer

2011-06-22T16:41:00.002+01:00

Its THAT time of year again.
Festering festivals.
Too much flesh on display.
Insects.
Hay fever.
Other peoples holiday snaps (snaps? who says 'snaps'? Me, apparently).
Music blaring from open car windows.
More cyclists.
Dawdling shoppers.
Soggy bruised fruit enticing me from market stalls (they display the good stuff and sell the bad).
Kids in Beer Gardens.
Fat people walking even more slowly than usual.
Feet on display that should remain hidden - FOREVER.
Hanging baskets dripping on your head unexpectedly.
Hot steering wheels.
Duvet on..... duvet off.... duvet on....

Its summer........................ and I love it!

Nearly my beer

2011-06-12T17:37:00.002+01:00

Reasons NOT to be grumpy

2011-05-26T15:22:00.000+01:00

Things that have made me grumpy lately include:

Conversations where others wont get to the point

A colleague allowing a door to bang constantly

The terribly slow computer at home

The waitress who interrupts our meal/conversation repeatedly to ask ‘is everything OK’

MM shuffling his legs in his sleep (as if he can help that!)

The duck molesting the chickens

My weight see-sawing

Our plants bolting/dying before we can transplant them

The duck/chickens eating the transplanted plants

My crap mobile phone

Having chosen the wrong clothes for the weather

Being asked questions when I am cleaning my teeth

I could go on – shall I go on? NO

Because I have a very dear friend who is leaving this world very shortly, far too soon.

When I last visited her in the hospice she told me that people should not be so impatient .

She said that things will happen when they are meant to.

My friend is very wise. She is also strong, determined, independent, irritating, irascible, infuriating, stubborn and very, very loved.

I do not do the God thing – but can I please ask all those of you that do to say a prayer for her please?

And in return I will stop and think every time I feel grumpy and count my blessings instead......... Nah, thats never gonna happen..

Out, out, damn cholesterol

2011-04-30T19:34:00.003+01:00

I gave up cream and coconut and cashews (and several other things that didnt necessarily begin with the letter C).
I gave up sausage rolls and too many eggs - and therefore scotch eggs - boo!
I cut down on alcohol.
I started exercising - at least 25 minutes a day on my exercise bike and lots of improving walks (treks) at weekends.
And after 7 months of this new 'me' I had another blood cholesterol test and I had lost..... drumroll..... wait for it..... bugger all! point 2, thats all, point 2.
My cholesterol has gone from 7.2 to 7.0
My doctors verdict? 'Lifes not fair sometimes - here, take these pills'.
On the plus side I have lost nearly a stone in weight.
On the minus side I now own lots of baggy clothes.
So, what would you do when you received this devastating news?
I hope you would do what I did.
I went into my local specialist butcher and bought the biggest godamn scotch egg they had and scoffed it!

A perfect day

2011-04-23T18:31:00.003+01:00

Today MM and I had a 'Nice Day Out'.
We went to a nearby town and strolled through the streets.
I bought flip-flops.
He bought curry sauce.
Then we sat in a pub looking out over a small river and fields and drank beer.
A man went past with 4 small girls - he had a bucket, they each had a fishing net.
A man threw a ball for an over-exited dog.
Some people paddled in the cool water.
We took a slow drive home and called in on a friend.
She made us a cuppa and we sat in her garden while one of her dogs snored.
Then we came home and had another cuppa in the garden while the mad mallard tried to shag the bantams.
Now I am blogging and MM is cooking.
A perfect day.

Handy tip

2011-03-20T09:36:00.002Z

I was reading some handy hints in an article in the paper called 'Mum knows best'.

Here is my favourite:

Mice hate the smell of mint - so sprinkle peppermint oil around their holes.

I suppose if nothing else it will make their eyes water!

What a vindictive cow 'Mum' must be.

The mysterious art of sleeping

2011-03-10T12:53:00.003Z

I want to know the secret....
I wake up suddenly overcome with the urge to cough, and do so, at volume for several minutes.
Thinking I might wake MM I lunge out of bed.... no response from MM.
I stagger across the room and my knee cracks like a shotgun being fired.... no response from MM.
The chickens are disturbed and being to squawk very loudly... no response from MM.
The squawking chickens set off the duck, who quacks even more loudly than the chicks.... no response from MM.
I open and shut the bed room door, open and shut the bathroom door, use the loo, flush the loo, wash my hands, open and shut the bathroom door and.... no response from MM.
Being that I am now wide awake I head downstairs and make a cup of tea, open the blinds and go out to feed the birds.... no response from MM.
Returning to the bedroom I find MM awake and looking surprised that I am not beside him!
How does the quiet singing of Hayley Westenra wake him in the morning, while me crashing about and coughing doesnt?

Also he often sleeps with his knees up - why dont they fall to one side or even apart?

Sleep is a mysterious thing.

I am not cheating guvnor, honest!

2011-03-03T19:50:00.001Z

There is something about being British that means that I cant abide a cheat.
I go to a pub quiz every Wednesday night with 3 others - we usually call ourselves something derisive like 'Sandwich short of a picnic' or 'Natural born losers' or 'No forking chance' but that doesnt mean that we are not competitive.
We would love to win - and its not the money (although we wouldnt mind a few squiddlies each).
Its all about winning against the intellect of others and coming out on top.
Or it would be, if we ever did.
But we wont - ever - not unless we can bring ourselves to cheat.
Years ago when you did a pub quiz you had to rely on your own knowledge - now you only need a mobile with the internet.
What satisfaction do the cheaters get from typing the question into a search engine?
I think the saddest cheats are the ones that sit on the loo to do it - we all know what they are doing.
I would be very sad never to take part in a quiz again outside of my own home but the time will come I am sure.
My social life is not a mad frantic circle of glittering events but I am quite happy with it and the pub quiz is a part of that.
To all you cheats out there - especially those that frequent The Dog & Partridge on a Wednesday night - bugger off and get an honest life!

Grumpy

2011-02-16T11:56:00.001Z

Do you ever feel grumpy and not know why?
Well, I do, right now!

His and mine become ours

2011-02-03T17:34:00.002Z

MM and I are now co-habitees.

Therefore whats mine is his, and whats his is mine.

Therefore I now 'own' 8 - yes, that EIGHT Celine Dion albums........................ sigh

2011-01-26T09:35:00.002Z

Is anyone else still seething from watching the gypsy wedding programme last night?
I cant seem to stop seething.
Seethe
Seethe
Seethe
Why do they preach no sex before marriage and then dress their tiny girls like miniature prostitutes?
Why do they allow them to dance like pole dancers?
Why do they give them make-up and spray tans and over-the-top dresses?
These same girls do not drink alcohol, they do not swear and they remain virgins until their wedding night. What a wonderful thing that is - can they not celebrate this innocence with teaching them a sense of decorum and modesty?
Then there is the anomaly of their living conditions. The women spend their whole day scrubbing and polishing their vans until they gleam - and outside they pile up the rubbish until the whole place is running with vermin. Still at least it gives the wild dogs something to eat.
They dont have bathrooms in their vans but are not above breaking into outhouses and using them as makeshift toilets.
They dont pay taxes but believe they have a right to schooling and healthcare.
They dont abide by building regulations but believe they have a right to build wherever they fancy.
They call themselves 'travellers' but dont actually travel anywhere until moved on by local councils.
And this, apparently, is their 'culture'. (Definition of culture: the predominating attitudes and behavior that characterize the functioning of a group or organization. Or: the quality in a person or society that arises from a concern for what is regarded as excellent in arts, letters, manners, scholarly pursuits, etc.)
When a boy was asked why he thought the council were tearing down a rat-infested gypsy settlement he replied 'Because they dont like gypsies'. So, they are also teaching their children that nothing is their own fault - they can just blame it on the law-abiding, tax paying citizens who work hard for their homes.

I guess now would be a bad time to take my blood pressure!

Offended? Moi?

2011-01-23T13:19:00.002Z

I turned to MM, stroked his arm and announced 'I think you are such a lovely man'.
He turned to me and said 'Do you darling, what do you want?'
Well.......

Oh what a night!

2011-01-08T11:39:00.004Z

My friend is appearing on Come Dine with Me.
For some reason she has moved to a one room apartment with two tables and chairs and a bed in the corner.
She has 4 guests, all dressed as Father Christmas.
I am lying on the bed trying to text someone using purple wool which has nearly run out although I still have loads more to text.
Her daughter is writing out bills for those of us (and the number keeps multiplying) who have arrived to eat but were not invited. She is doing this by looking at us and deciding how much she dislikes us.
I turn to my boss (who was not there a moment ago) and ask for a loan as it looks like my bill is going to be horrendous!
Our host turns to us and announces that if anyone would like to wee in the sink then she recommends it.
The window beside me is open and I can see that there is a flood, so I shut the window before the water comes in - no-one else has noticed.
The menu includes spatchcocked (no idea if I have spelt that correctly) chicken - which nobody eats.
Suddenly the Come Dine with Me participants get into a disabled bus so I leap on the back of a motorcycle driven by a very smelly man with long lank greasy hair and give chase trying to get a photo of the Father Christmases.
We come to a road block made up of teenagers holding hands and swerve to miss it - I fall off the bike and
WAKE UP - thank God!
Would anyone care to analyse this dream for me please?????

Just to prove I didnt make it up :-)

2011-01-02T11:02:00.002Z

Suffolk fire and rescue service
02/01/11 09.46
Incident type: request from RSPCA to rescue cat from roof
Address Allen Road Hadleigh
Fire engine from Hadleigh attended
Stop at 10:01. Cat rescued from roof of garage by Fire Service

Hear me warble......

2010-12-29T15:36:00.003Z

Anyone who knows me will know that I dont do karaoke.
But apparently I am a diva at Singstar!

I make MM proud

2010-12-22T15:52:00.003Z

I am many things.
I am a loyal friend.
I am a brave patient (I think, well, fairly brave).
I am a dutiful daughter.
I am confident and forthright in my job.
I am a protective mother.
I am a faithful partner.
I am organised.
I am reliable.
I am strong both physically and mentally.
BUT - there is one thing that reduces me to a quivering mess....
and that thing is.....
the self-service till.

Today I used one, I only got told off by it once (for not putting my items in the baggage area), I managed to insert my note and to find my change. MM will be so proud.

Winter comfort - never mind the high cholesterol

2010-12-08T09:24:00.001Z

I just ate 2 hot sausage rolls - bugger the consequences!

What a result

2010-12-03T09:43:00.003Z

I was so excited to receive this in the post.
Obviously its well worth shopping in the Co-op supermarket.
Now, what shall I spend my share of their profits on?????

Call that a SERVICE ???

2010-12-02T09:43:00.001Z

MM is a member of the emergency SERVICES. He is a firefighter. Whilst training he suffered an injury and now has a hernia.

As a member of the fire SERVICE he rescues cats from high places, horses and cows from ditches and rivers, puts out fires and cuts people free from their crashed cars (amongst other things).

The day after he acquired the industrial injury he went to his National Health SERVICE doctor who referred him to the NH SERVICE hospital.

He reported his injury to his superior and was referred to the Occupation Health department who put him on light duties, ie; penpusher, paper shredder, desk duties.

After 6 and half weeks he was finally seen at the NH SERVICE hospital. He impressed upon the surgeon that he is an OPERATIONAL firefighter, and as such, needs to be fully fit to carry out his duties.

He now has a date for his pre-assessment for his essential operation – in 18 weeks time! That makes a grand total of 24 and half weeks from the date of the injury.

I really hope that no-one involved in our wonderful National Health SERVICE has a cat stuck up a tree, or their horse falls in a ditch, or their house catches fire, or they have a road traffic collision as I for one would recommend that they wait 24 and half weeks for the Fire SERVICE to respond!

How to tell that winter is here.....

2010-11-30T14:51:00.000Z

1. The strange man that talks to himself and shouts randomly and always wears a short-sleeved checked shirt is wearing a coat.
2. The teenage mother-of-five has a MacGonads burger hanging from her lip rather than a fag - and her babies have no gloves or hats.

Assertiveness training

2010-11-25T18:35:00.002Z

Today I went to the opticians to collect my new glasses (and very snazzy they are too).
I made an appointment as I was told that if I didnt I might have a long wait - and I wouldnt want a long wait since I am not known for being a patient person.
I arrived exactly on time and sat on the edge of my seat, drumming my nails on my thigh and swinging my legs.
Time passed...... and passed..... and passed.
Wondering what the hold-up could possibly be I tuned in to the woman who had been issued with her new specs 15 minutes before. The optician had a patient insincere smile plastered to his face while the woman wittered on about not being able to get a doctors appointment, what drugs she was taking and what their side-effects were and where in the town she used to live.
She was showing no sign of finishing her monologue and the optician was like a rabbit in the headlights.
So, I rose from my seat and advanced on the receptionist. I politely pointed out that I had, indeed, made an appointment since I was officially at work and had no time to waste. That appointment time was now 20 minutes overdue and the woman in the hot-seat was showing no signs of drawing breath. I suggested the optician became assertive and invited her to leave before I found a less kind way of moving her on.
Suddenly people were rushing all over the place, one of them clutching my glasses, but nobody was actually doing anything. Running out of air the woman paused to take a deep breath and, joy of joys, the optician remembered he owned some bollocks and leapt to his feet and helped her out of the chair and on her way. At this point she announced that she was late for her next appointment but was always late because she 'ran out of day' - for once I was rendered speechless - if only the same affliction had befallen her.
I was fitted for my new glasses and on my way in under 5 minutes. As I left I suggested to the optician that he either took assertiveness training or ate lots of garlic so that people did not wish to sit staring into his eyes for so long.
What is it with some people that they have to have attention at all times?

Christmas bullies

2010-11-16T20:15:00.002Z

And so it begins...

'Have you done your christmas shopping yet?'

NO!

'Have you at least started?'

NO!

'I have finished mine'

Bully for you.

'I did mine in January'

!!!!!!!!!

'My cards are all written'

My LIST isnt even written.

'How many people are you having for christmas dinner?'

(muttering): Probably 12

'We are having 102'

Yeah, right...

'Are you making your own stuffing?'

NO!

'Have you been feeding your homemade cake/puddings since August?'

NO! I bought ours from the discount shop

Forgive me, but I thought christmas was supposed to be fun????

Inconsiderate delivery drivers and the morning rush hour

2010-11-05T09:42:00.001Z

Picture the scene:
Time 08.30am.
Busy road into town centre for the workers and out for the school run.
Argos lorry parked at kerbside with flashers on.
Timber lorry parked at kerbside with flashers on.
OPPOSITE EACH OTHER.
Cue GOW going psycho.

I've been to the zoo, zoo, zoo

2010-10-31T10:07:00.003Z

My family gave me a wonderful birthday present this year (birthday is at beginning of year but havent got around to enjoying my present until yesterday).

They gave me a 'Keeper for the Day' package at Colchester Zoo.

We choose a gorgeous bright sunny autumn day for the adventure.

My package included visiting the reptiles of South America, the Raptors and ELEPHANTS.

Things I never thought I would do:

Wear a gauntlet and feed a baby owl a whole chick.

Stroke an iguana and feed it banana.

Feed a giant tortoise and hold a baby turtle.

Have a 10ft Burmese python hanging around my neck with its little forked tongue tickling my arm.

Feed an elephant - a dream come true.

Thanks to all my family for such a wonderful day - and I wasnt grumpy once (OK, maybe a bit when I had to get up early)

I HATE people who are rude for no reason

2010-10-27T16:54:00.004+01:00

8.30am beverages aisle
Elderley man and middle aged woman blocking aisle with trolley
Grumpyoldwoman waits - patiently
Woman notices my presence and moves out of way
I smile (sweetly) and thank her and hurry down the shop
Elderley man (loudly) - 'If she was in such a bloody hurry why didnt she get here earlier?'
GOW turns slowly, lowers her head and gives EM piercing stare
Minutes pass
EM begins to sweat
EM turns trolley and dashes off to next aisle.

I had no intention of doing any harm to EM - I was just stunned at the completely unnecessary rudeness.

Dont mess with GOW - she will mess with your head - grrrrrh

Its a whole different universe

2010-10-22T10:32:00.002+01:00

Picture the scene: on the bus (still cant drive), reading my book, oblivious to my surroundings.
Woman gets on bus talking on mobile phone.
Vaguely register that she is talking very affectionately to someone (guessing her daughter).
Here her say repeatedly 'Dont mention *Roger*'.
Hangs up with lots of 'love ya, love ya lots'.
Her mobile rings (I have forsaken my book now through sheer nosiness).
Her first reply? 'Yeah, its alright, dont panic *Laura* is being arrested, social services are there and the police, I am on my way and *Aaron* will collect the kids. (pauses to listen)~ 'Nah, I dont know why yet - love ya, love ya lots'.
You could hear a pin drop, all the passengers are agog!
This bus goes from town centre through a 'nice' estate, a notorious 'bad' estate and back through a very nice (non-estate) area. Imagine the mixed reactions of the passengers.
Driving along in my little car I am in a little oasis of calm and normality : I forgot that this stuff goes on; but even if it did intrude into my world I am certain I would not discuss it on a bus in front of lots of strangers.
There is a whole different universe out there - thank goodness I am not part of it.

* names have been changed for privacy purposes - though the *lady* in question would probably prefer the publicity!

So, it wasnt IBS then....

2010-10-18T12:35:00.002+01:00

On a previous post I mentioned that I had been having bellyaches and even went to the doctor to see if it was anything serious. Well, as it turns out, it was.
Wednesday morning I started to get really bad stomach pains and by early evening was dramatically rolling all over the bed, grunting, vomiting and turning yellow.
MS called the doctor and after 20 minutes of giving routine information was told that 'we dont send out a doctor for abdominal pain - if your really worried take your Mother to A&E'.
Being in no fit state to get into a Ford Fiesta MS persisted (very politely - with Honey screaming abuse in the background) until eventually 2 doctors arrived.
An hour later an ambulance arrived. 2 hours after arriving at hospital I had an IV, an XRay, blood tests and was eventually seen by a doctor who admitted me.
Time scale so far - 16 hours.
12 hours later I had a CT scan - 3 hours later I was in theatre saying goodbye to my appendix.
I have to say that once the problem was found the treatment was extremely efficient; I do however take exception to the NHS Direct person who did not want me to have any sort of care. Her opinion was that abdominal pain with a score of 8 was not urgent enough to waste her time!
I would suggest to anyone feeling really ill that they claim that they are dying that their pain score is off the Richter Scale so that there problem is taken seriously.
Hospital was exhausting but I am now back at MMs and he is taking very good care of me.
I consider myself very lucky.

Thoughts on Marmaris

2010-10-10T17:20:00.003+01:00

Here I am, relaxing on Marmaris beach. Now Marmaris is clearly the Gt Yarmouth of Turkey. Lots of shops claiming to be Jane Norman and New Look and River Island, while all selling 4 t-shirts for £4.00. People trying to sell you sunglasses at midnight. Waiters waylaying you to eat a 5 course meal even though you tell them you have already eaten - by waving a huge T-bone steak in your direction they are sure you will be convinced. Beach sellers showing remarkable perseverence in asking for the 14th day running if you would like to buy grapes or ankle (bracelets), have a massage or go diving. Waiters that double as entertainment staff and all have 6-packs and BO. Dogs that wander about day and night but never attack. And, bizarrely rabbits outside shops next to a dual cariageway:
Bur I cant help but love Turkey. I love the optimism of the Turks, the scarey Dolmus rides, EFES beer, endless sunshine, occasional tornados, the fact that they practice football in floodlit pitches until 2 in the morning, and the bread full of air (Pide):

Marmaris is full of itself, but rightly so. I think the next picture sums it up - it is not afraid to blow its own trumpet. It says, 'Look at me, I am the best'. The sea is warm, the mountains are beautiful, the sun shines - the rest you can overlook.

Look away now if you are not fatist

2010-09-22T16:40:00.005+01:00

I went into my local M&S today and found myself in a heaving mass of spherical bodies frantically queueing from the door to the small demonstration table where a harrassed lady was giving out free samples of shortbread.

None of the people waiting was anorexic, in fact most of them were seriously overweight. Surely they could all afford their own biscuits, and more to the point, would be well advised not to eat any more.

Do fat people own those mirrors that they had at the fairground where they look thin - do they all suffer from a form of body dysmorphia?

I could do with losing a few pounds myself, but at least I am aware of it. I actually find grossly overweight people deeply offensive.

Sorry....

Bellyaching about a bellyache

2010-09-20T18:51:00.002+01:00

I have been having belly trouble.
Had blood test.
My liver is fine - phew.
My cholesterol level is not :-(

So, I have some dietary information about IBS and high cholesterol and I have to try to combine the two.
Complicated stuff - ie: sugar-free artificial sweetners are fine for cholesterol - and a trigger food for IBS. Coffee is fine for cholesterol and a trigger food for IBS.
Both have coconut as a definate NO-NO.
I must limit myself to no more than 3 whole eggs a week - and absolutely NO scotch eggs.
After years of eating far more than my 5 a day of fruit and veg my belly has decided that rather than process these items, it would rather ferment them - and trust me, it hurts.
So now I eat bananas.
I am also a nut lover - the only ones I am allowed on a daily basis are chestnuts - well, that will be fine in December!!!!
I cannot have stilton, pate or taramasalata but crispbreads are fine - what the heck am I going to eat with them??
Alcohol is apparently a 'trigger' for IBS but as my liver is fine I refuse to give up my glass of wine with my dinner.
And the odd square of dark chocolate will pass my lips - was never a lover of fudge or chocolate spread anyhow.
And all of this right before I go to Turkey for a fortnight. Should make for an interesting diet!
If you cant see me when I get back it will be because I have turned sideways.......

Things you will never hear me say... in no particular order

2010-09-11T17:24:00.002+01:00

Let ME drive
My bottom is too small
My boobs are too big
I would love to do your garden for you
I cant wait to get to work
Its my turn to sing karaoke
I dont want to go on holiday
I dont like wine
I adore fatty meat
I am going to go on the Roller coaster
That alsatian is adorable
I will pick up the lovely house spider
YOU have the last piece of dark chocolate

Please feel free to make suggestions....

Eating is my first challenge of the day - and my last

2010-08-26T08:28:00.002+01:00

Does anyone else have trouble eating?
There are so many pitfalls.
My old Mum drummed into me that I should always eat like the Queen, even when no-one is watching.
Oh. Dear.
Does the Queen get spaghetti or dippy egg down her chest?
Does she take a mouthful of flaky pastry just as she gets asked a question and then either spend 5 minutes trying to swallow or spit it in the other persons face?
Does crusty bread cut the top of her mouth?
Do ripe cherries squirt down her throat and choke her?
Does she ram a forkful of superhot food in her mouth and spend the next few minutes flapping at her open mouth with tears running down her cheeks?
Does salad behave on her fork and then go its seperate ways as it enters her mouth leaving long strands of green stuff hanging down?
Does she ever put a hated foodstuff in her mouth by mistake and either gag or race for privacy to spit it out?
Or is it just me?

Whats in a name

2010-08-20T13:34:00.002+01:00

MM has a duck called Crispy and had a chicken called Barbie. He also has a degu called Dave.
I used to have a cat called Marvin (because he was paranoid).
As a child I had a black cat called Jet and a Budgie called Joey.
MS passes a horse in a field on his way to work that he has named Alan.

When I had my children I considered naming them a very serious matter - no names that could be used derogatively like Penny (my parents nearly called me that, bless em); or Will.
Nothing woossy like Timmy or Cissie.
No initials that spelt anything - like TIT or BUM.

But you only have to sit in a park or pass a school yard to hear that these days children have horrendous names: some are named for makes of car (Mercedes, Porche), some for famous singers (Shakira, Seal), some for places (Paris, Siam), some for emotions (Cherish, Heaven) and some are named out of sheer madness - I know a Kiara (that was a sort of orange drink served in cinemas in my youth) and a CJ (thats it, it doesnt stand for anything, just CJ).

The funny thing is that my daughter dislikes her name, as I did mine when I was younger. At one time I was considering changing it by deed to Ophelia - perhaps its just as well that we dont name ourselves.

Dont ask!

2010-08-18T16:26:00.003+01:00

I went to do my business banking.
The cashier asked if I also did my personal banking there - I said no.
He asked if I would tell him where I did my personal banking - I said no.
He asked if the cashiers in my personal bank were better - I said Yes!
Then he wanted to know why - oh dear, bag of worms about to burst open.
They are better because:
They take my money and pay it in and then say 'Thank you Mrs Grumpyoldwoman'
They give me my money when I want it and then say 'Thank you Mrs Grumpyoldwoman'
They do not ask me about my ISA's, Mortgage, Accounts, Overdraft or whether I am happy with their services.
My business bank does all of the above and therefore the queues are massively long and we all have to listen to tales of woe and bragging 'richer than thou' people.
When I go to a cashier I usually want to pay in cash or take out cash.
If I want any other service I would go to my personal banker.
In my business bank there is an 'information' desk - a colleague was waiting in the queue while every cashier discussed personal issues with their customers, so he went to the information desk and asked them to take his money. They said No (because you have to go to a cashier for that)!
I asked the cashier why they asked customers about personal matters and he said that when he accessed their account it would flag up areas of concern. I asked if he had considered then writing to the customer and asking them to make an appointment with a personal banker to discuss the problems in private - he thought this was a marvellous idea and he would pass it on to his supervisor.
Oh dear Lloyds TSB - give me an hour, I would revolutionise your systems.

Manners maketh (wo)man - or not!

2010-08-11T13:44:00.003+01:00

I am invisible.
Yesterday I held the door at M & S for a woman and her child - I stood in the pouring rain while they covered their heads - and then they walked out and away - without acknowledging my existence, never mind my good manners or self-sacrifice.
Today I stepped off the path INTO THE ROAD to allow a woman with a trolley to pass - which she did - without acknowledging my existence, never mind my good manners or self-sacrifice.
Last week I had no less than 5 cars pull out in front of me forcing me to brake, and allowed 3 cars to go ahead of me at busy junctions, and they all carried on - without acknowledging my existence, never mind my good manners or self-sacrifice.
Harry Potter - would you like your invisibility cloak back yet?

Paranormal activity oh my!

2010-08-03T20:41:00.003+01:00

My ghost has moved into my bedroom.
She leaves the main light on.
When MM goes up and turns it off she turns the bedside light on.
She changes the station on my bedside radio/alarm.
She draws pictures in my face cream.
As a result I:
Spend 10 minutes straining my eyes in the dark to try to see her.
Eat bread and marmite when I am full (anxiety makes me greedy).
Lose things only to find them where I have already looked.
Put face cream on my bum (I thought it was my hormone cream - OK?).
Open my last bottle of wine and drink it alone (hangs head in shame).

Raise your hand if you HATE housework?

2010-08-01T15:04:00.004+01:00

I have lived in a few places.
Firstly with my parents who ran a tidy home.
Next in a bedsit with sink and Baby Belling which took 2 minutes a day to keep clean and neat.
Next in a massive shared flat with 2 other hopeless housewives - my Dad charmingly nicknamed this abode 'The Slum'.
Then I moved into Nurses accommodation which was kept clean by professional cleaners as long as the room was reasonably tidy - ish.
Briefly I lived with a friend who liked things just so - I remember a row that almost came to blows over a teaspoon!
Followed swiftly by a 1 bedroom flat with OS which I kept pristine as I was scared of the Health Visitor.
Then came a 2 bedroomed house which eventually was overflowing with 6 of us and no room for mess or dirt.
All of the above were manageable.
Now I appear to have 2 homes:
I live weekends, holidays and sick days with MM in his gradually expanding house. Luckily he is a wonderful houseperson (sic) and I barely lift a finger, though I do occasionally make the bed - well, to be fair, I straighten the duvet and plump the pillows.
Also I live with MS and Honey in a pretty grubby 3 bedroomed house. We all work full time and Honey works nights so I cannot clean the house in the day, and am at MMs at the weekend. Every now and again I freak out and rush around with my hair pinned up waving hoovers and wet wipes and dusters and railing at all and sundry. (For instance I have just yelled at MS to 'eat your plate over your sandwich' - housework makes me inarticulate).
Would someone please come round and clean my house - pretty please????

Happy (July) Christmas!

2010-07-25T11:10:00.003+01:00

We woke late today and while MM was making a cuppa (well-trained man, love him) I channel-hopped - as you can see we have role-reversal nicely sorted.

To my amazement one channel was already devoted to Christmas! The item they were plugging was an initial jewellery box. Obviously used to talking to the slightly stupid they held up a letter D to demonstrate what an intial-shaped box would look like and then said 'Don't worry that you wont know what your initial box will look like, we will show you them all' and to my total disbelief held up one block of four letters after another! I hit the button on the handset just as P hove into view and MM said 'Aw, I will never know what mine would have looked like now'.

As I dont wish to spoil his Christmas surprise present I will show you a different letter as I am sure you are desperate to know what a J initial jewellery box looks like:

Now, form an orderly queue......

Musnt overdo it.

2010-07-15T23:02:00.003+01:00

I did some exercise today.
I parked my car as far away as possible from the supermarket entrance and then bought two bags worth full of heavy stuff and carried them back to the car (see what I did here? I didnt push them in the trolley, I CARRIED them).
I can tell you are impressed so I will tell you more.
About 7 weeks ago I bought a Pilates DVD............. it is still in the box.

Take That! You blood-sucking ********

2010-07-11T12:03:00.004+01:00

No - not the group!

This:

There was one lurking in the bottom of a jug in my bathroom and without a thought for karma I ran the hot tap until it was almost pure steam and then shoved the jug under the boiling water.

Divine retribution for all the evenings out by the sea or river ruined by the nasty little bleeders! What I hate almost more than the incredibly itchy bites is the 'victory roll' they do in front of your face after they have drunk their fill.

(makes noise like a villain in a black and white film and exits stage left)

The yoof of today

2010-06-28T22:33:00.002+01:00

Excert from our local rags Magistrates' court lists:

"Carl ******, 23, of Stated Address. Stole a tub of body butter to the value of £7.50 from Boots. Costs £85, fined £80, victim surcharge £15."

You couldnt make it up could you? Because he's worth it he ended up paying £180 for a £7.50 tub of body butter.

When my sons (who were schooled with the sloppy thief) had finished laughing themselves sick, one said "on the plus side his skin has never been so nourished"

hahahahahahahaha

Advice please...

2010-06-24T18:30:00.002+01:00

A disgruntled ex-employee said to me today:

'If you were my wife you would be in the mortuary and I would be in prison for murder'

What do we think to this? Is it almost a death-threat? Should I just laugh it off?

Was he drunk?

Bog off Bag sellers!

2010-06-18T11:58:00.003+01:00

No wonder I am grumpy!
The latest thing is 'Louis Vuitton bags...... chanel bags.....gucci - well, I am sure you get the idea.
'They' keep adding comments to my posts, only they are not comments, they are blatent adverts.
I dont DO adverts, I do this blog to let off steam and to share the funny bits of my life, I dont wish to make money from it and I dont appreciate others trying to 'use' me.
THERE - thats said - now Bag People - BOG OFF!

Relaxed flight - my arse!

2010-06-16T10:09:00.004+01:00

Ryanair – hmmm

‘Sit back and relax and enjoy your flight’ – I would love to!

Firstly comes the magazine – no thank you.

Next comes the no-smoke cigarettes for those that cant go an hour without a nicotine fix – no thank you.

Then the trolley – drinks, snacks – no thank you.

Then – do you have any rubbish – NO.

Next comes the trolley with the naff toys, cheap perfumes etc – no thank you.

Cant be anything else surely……

WRONG – next comes the scratchcard – no thank you.

Seat-belt sign – pay attention we are about to land.

When EXACTLY am I supposed to sit back and relax?

And as for them blowing their own trumpets when we land "Congratulations, you've landed aboard another on-time Ryanair flight." Then there's a trumpet coda and canned applause. …………….. how on earth is 35 minutes late on-time?

Its enough to make a grumpy old woman VERY grumpy.

Pastry, oxos and tetchiness

2010-06-09T21:47:00.004+01:00

I hate the feeling of making pastry.

Rubbing fat into flour is just plain nauseating.

I hate what 'they' have done to OXO cubes - how is an X a cube?

I used to crumble an oxo cube inside its wrapper - now I cant.

Crumbling an oxo X is just plain messy.

I know this is a random post - but I am feeling random tonight - and fairly grumpy.

I cut my finger earlier today - could have made me a tad tetchy.

Daft duck

2010-06-08T21:02:00.004+01:00

He doesnt need to sit in here:

He has a big pond, full of fish. When the fish feed he likes to grab the smaller ones and give them a good shaking. I would love one of the big koi carp to grab him and give him a good shaking.

I love him really.

PS: do you like the new colour scheme? I decided to redecorate.

Typically British

2010-06-03T11:59:00.003+01:00

Lady 1: What a glorious day
Lady 2: Isnt it gorgeous?
Lady 1: The sunshine is lovely
Lady 2: Yes! Not too hot
Lady 1: Better than the rain
Lady 2: Oo, yes, we have had enough rain
Lady 1: Still, the gardens needed it
Lady 1: So, do you think summer is here at last?
Lady 2: We can only hope
Lady 1: How lovely to see you and catch up with all your news

Me: (in head): WHAT NEWS? THE WEATHER FORECAST? LET ME PAST!!!!!!

A post with an ulterior motive

2010-06-01T19:44:00.006+01:00

I have been inspired by Ladybirdworld - (http://ladybirdworld.blogspot.com/) to tell you about Crispy the Duck.
Crispy belongs to MM - he has lived with him since he was found as a day-old duckling drowning with his siblings - he was the only one to survive but we suspect that most of his brain cells died anyway.

Crispy is King of the pond and he thinks he is King of the world. He likes to untie shoelaces, shake trouser-bottoms, play pass-the-tennis-ball and shag chickens.

The first is quite clever, the second is bearable, the third is cute and the fourth is unacceptable!

When we catch him with a poor cornered bantam doing his best to impregnate her then we yell, flap our arms and seperate them. We can see the attraction as the bantams are adorable - Kirsty in particular - see below:

(Please ignore the UNattractive poo - its impossible to get a photo without poos in it.)

Another thing he likes to do is hang around upside-down in his pond - usually with his little feet waggling in the air like an upside-down cyclist without a bike.

If he could only be this cute all the time.

MM and Crispy like to play a game where MM hurls him into the pond and he rushes out flapping his wings and more-or-less shouting 'again'. This is their party piece and always amuses visitors.

Crispy and I are not on the best of terms. When I was on walking sticks he would lay in wait for me and then rush at me and peck my shins and ankles as hard as he could knowing that I could not run away.

In an attempt to stop Crispy thinking that he was in love with the chickens MMs son bought him a lady decoy duck (that floats) - needless to say he is petrified of it. So now when he takes a fancy to a bantam or my ankles we only have to grab the decoy and wave it at him to send him quacking and flapping in the opposite direction. I call it the Kryptonite Duck.

Right - I should have written enough now for that picture of the (whisper it) spider to be out of eyeshot.

twatted

2010-05-27T16:03:00.002+01:00

There was a huge ugly spider on my bedroom floor. I thought long and hard about our relative sizes and the sanctity of life. And then I twatted it with my slipper.

Sweet memories

2010-05-21T02:02:00.002+01:00

Sleep wont come. The harder I try, the more awake I become.
Memory is a strange thing - some memories are so clear and some so dim.
I dont remember when we first became a couple, or when it ended.
I remember lying in the dark listening to Pink Floyd.
I remember lying in the woods on his afghan coat holding hands and I remember his Mum tutting about all the leaves and mud on the coat and raising her eyebrows at us, half-frowning, half-smiling.
I remember him buying me a gold signet ring for Christmas and being upset when it got dented out of shape. But I dont remember exactly where it went - though I think I gave it to Honey.
I remember being late for his wedding and running into church with my dress buttoned up wrong. I dont remember where we went afterwards.
I remember being in the house at Elmswell where we had the all-night parties and listening to Charlie Pride in The Fox.
Then the years took off - he fathered his children, I mothered mine. We sometimes saw each other in the street and passed the time of day.
But I didnt expect him to die yet. 55 is way too young.
I was meant to see him hairless and toothless, moaning about his aching hips and boasting about his great-grandchildren.
There are so many things I cant remember, but I will never forget him.

A shop that does what it says on the tin

2010-05-17T15:43:00.002+01:00

Needing a new lawn mower I logged on to Argos.
Found the one I wanted, checked its availability at my local store, reserved it.
Parked outside shop, went in, paid the lovely lady at the desk and 4 minutes later I walked out the proud owner of a new mower.
Simples.
Why cant all shops be this efficient?
Well done Argoose!

Just how I am feeling today.....

2010-05-13T14:12:00.001+01:00

Some things in life are bad,
They can really make you mad,
Other things just make you swear and curse,
When you're chewing life's gristle,
Don't grumble,
Give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best.
And...

Always look on the bright side of life.

Always look on the light side of life.

If life seems jolly rotten,
There's something you've forgotten,
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps,
Don't be silly chumps.
Just purse your lips and whistle.
That's the thing.
And...

Always look on the bright side of life.

Wake up too early - blah

2010-05-07T23:08:00.003+01:00

What do you do when you cant sleep?
Well - not strictly true - CAN sleep but wake up far too early.
I have tried staying up later - doesnt work.
Alcohol - doesnt work.
Keeping busy and then having a relaxing bath - doesnt work.
Going back to sleep when i wake up - no chance.
Sex before going to sleep - doesnt work.
NO sex before going to sleep - doesnt work.

I remember thinking that my Nan must be REALLY old when she woke at 6am every morning - surely I am not as old as her - yet?

Can we bear to lose?

2010-04-30T20:58:00.003+01:00

How do we feel about sportmanship?
I am not talking about athletics or anything physical (perish the thought).
I am talking about being 'sporting'.
Being able to lose as well as win with a good attitude.
I enjoy unwinding at the end of a working day with a game of scrabble played through Facebook. I dont particularly mind losing against a worthy opponent - I enjoy pitting my wits against a kindred spirit.
But am I fairly unique?
I just started a game where my first 'go' was a 7-letter-word, and my opponent immediately forfeited.
I regularly play with a friend who beats me resoundingly 90% of the time.
I have also played a 2-minute limit game where I have 'allowed' my opponent to take 3minutes only to have him/her force me to forfeit if I then go 2 seconds over the 2 minutes.
I like to win but I dont mind losing.
I wonder if this is an 'age' thing.
When I was at school we competed against each other on school sports day and those with long legs won the long jump, those with steady hands won the egg and spoon and those with springy knees won the sack race - fair and square, and those of us who lost cheered the winners.
When my children went to school everyone was a winner - there was a first, second and third, and then everyone else got a sticker for competing.
Now the schoolchildren are not encouraged to compete against each other in case anyone is made to feel inferior.
I think competition is healthy - what do you think?

And again its bloody Tescos!

2010-04-27T17:37:00.002+01:00

Sigh....
Tescos....
Sigh....

Evan I am getting fed up of my constant moaning about Pesky Teskies.
When I went on holiday I took my Tescos keycard off my keyring to lighten its load and when I returned it refused to go back on and I lost it.
No problem I thought - I will order a replacement. I rang the freefone number and did just that.
Sad git that I am I shop at Tescos every morning on my way to work and as I do both personal and work-related shopping I spend a fair bit. Every month Tescos kindly send me my money-off coupons and rewards. To me, in my name, and at my home address.
In the 4 weeks since I lost the card I have amassed a large wedge of receipts which are gradually becoming out of date and if I dont put them on my card soon I will lose all my points.
But my new card has not turned up - in my name, at my home address. So today I rang to ask what was happening and guess what? They have never heard of me! They not only have no record of me ordering a new card - they dont have any records of ME!
The girl on the end of the fone asked me to spell my name 4 times and for my address 3 times. Still she could not find me - I dont exist, I have never had a Tesco card or received any mail or rewards from them.
I am delighted that Tesco record all their calls as I shall be asking them to listen to the two calls I made - the first ordering a new card, the second pretending to be me. They are supposed to transfer my balance onto the new card - difficult when I have never existed.
As a footnote the checkout lady told me that they can take up to 6 months to replace a lost card - hmmmmm, I wonder why?

Gross

2010-04-23T22:03:00.002+01:00

Yesterday I moved the washing machine and washed the floor underneath it. Yuk. Broken glass, dried on gravy, toast crumbs, unidentifiable crud.
Then i moved the oven and washed the floor underneath it. Yuk. Old dried out teabag, chip, frozen pea, dried on gravy, toast crumbs, unidentifiable crud etc.
BUT, behind the oven was a potato - a GROWING potato.
A potato with a long shoot and several roots.
Isnt nature wonderful?

Customer service - NOT!

2010-04-08T18:53:00.003+01:00

Bloody Tescos - again!
I dashed in the other morning needing a refund. Spotting that the Cusotmer Service desk didnt open until 8 I did a bit of needless browsing and arrived at the desk at about 2 minutes to 8.
There was a member of staff staring at an old receipt and.............. humming! She continued to do this for about 5 minutes as 2 men formed a queue behind me. She did not look up or make eye contact or even acknowledge our existence (I would have accepted a 'Be with you in a moment')and one of the man said a BAD WORD and left.
Then there was a bit of excitement when another member of staff arrived...... but she walked behind the first one and stared at the shutters over the fags. They did not even acknowledge each other!!!
I commenced with tutting loudly, staring at my watch and tapping my fingernails on the counter - all to no available. And then............ Joy of Joys, I spotted some small cards asking what the customers thought of Customer Service. I pounced, removed 2 cards and handed one to the man behind me.
Humming woman spotted this out of the corner of her eye and came to life - 'Can I help you?' quoth she (at 10 past 8). The other woman followed her lead and motioned the man to the other till whence she deigned to open the shutters and sell him his fags.
As we both raced to our cars we agreed that we would indeed give our comments on Customer Service. Good old Tescos - never fails to disappoint!

Eqypt - Nile Cruise and Sharm-el-Sheikh

2010-04-02T15:00:00.006+01:00

Here is the MS Monica - our ship for the Nile Cruise. Stepping inside is like stepping back in time to Agatha Christies book.

We spent a week on the Cruiser which was quite tiring. Up at the crack of dawn to visit temples and tombs before the sun was too hot and then back to a boozey lunch and sunbathing on the sundeck until dinner time.

It was well organised socially. We were placed onto large tables with one group of people and then into other groups with guides for the visits. By the end of the week we were all templed-out. Going through the Esna lock was fascinating - there is barely 2" either side and all the Egyptians shout abuse at each other while the ship squeezes through. Standing on the sundeck at night as you pass under bridges you can watch the traffic passing - they dont use their lights, they just 'flash' each other as they pass - fullbeam for maximum blinding.

We were entertained by a belly dancer and a whirling dervish, had an Egyptian Night when we all dressed up (all except the Germans that is, they were far too busy grabbing the sunbeds and preparing to queue-jump at dinner - hence I spent all week wanting to shout 'We won the war')and an evening when we were the entertainment,not something I would normally join in with, but you get roped in and then carried away - I thought MM and I were fabulous as Jack and Rose from Titanic.

When the week was over we flew in a tiny 76 seater plane to Sharm-el-Sheikh for some serious relaxing. Having seen a slice of the real Egypt while 'templing' it was lovely just to sit back and soak up the rays. The highlight for me was snorkelling in the Red Sea - I cant begin to describe the fish and coral, you just have to experience it. One day we went out before the tide was properly in and although we walked out 1/2 a mile on the jetty we were still too shallow and ended up being thrown onto the coral - scarey stuff indeed.Please feel free to say Ahhh when you see my Poorknee.

The second week shot by and all too soon we were facing a 19-hour day of travelling - Egyptian airports are not well organised at all and I cant say that Thomas Cook excelled on the journey home either - blocked toilets especially.

But it was a fantastic holiday and I only hope my tan-extender cream does what it says on the tube.

Now, where shall we go next? All suggestions will be gratefully received.

Oh -and I nearly forgot - MM got offered 100 donkeys for me (I was convinced this was an insult), then it was upped to 100 camels and finally peaked at 250 camels - quite chuffed tbh.

Tally-ho!

2010-03-16T13:36:00.001Z

Within 24 hours I will be 'where I want to be right now' - see ya.

Lets have a heated debate - about sausages

2010-03-12T12:51:00.002Z

Bang Bangs - hmm, have you been there?

It looks a bit like a tarts boudoir with its glass tables and chairs and leopard print wallpaper and outsize mirrors.

The tables are so close together that you could try the person at the next tables meal.

We went assuming that if you ordered the 3-sausage option then you could choose 3 different sausages - wrong! Too complicated for the 'chef' apparently.

You pay £8.50 (I think, could have been £8.95) for 2 sausages on a small bed of mash and a pot of gravy. If you want veg it is between £2.00 and £2.50 per portion.

I accept that the wait for the meal was because the sausages are cooked freshly - not so sure that the mash is not just microwaved - it was somewhat solid.

I have eaten sausages, mash and onion gravy in many pubs and the portions have been bigger, the mash creamier and the gravy had actual bits of onion in it - and it cost nearer £6.00.

I have looked on a few sites and it seems that some people love Bang Bangs - I am not one of them. As Jo Frost would say - the meal was asseptable (sic)- just.

Have you been there? What did YOU think?

Out, out, damned spot

2010-02-25T19:57:00.003Z

It was take a pimple to work day today, wasnt it? Or was it just me that had an angry white-tipped pink protruberance on her philtrum?

Go on - ask me - ask me what your philtrum is? Bet you dont know - I do, I do!

I annointed it with Elizabeth Arden 8-hour cream ( which promises to exile pimples in - guess what? 8 hours) - twice, but it was still waiting to go to work with me this morning, bright eyed and bushy tailed.

I attempted half-heartedly to squeeze it, but it made my eyes water too much. I tried to cover it with touche eclat, and then foundation. It was having none of it. It was loud and proud.

I am 54 for Gods sake - I cant be going through puberty.....

My house is ganging up on me

2010-02-09T19:38:00.003Z

In the last month I have:

Ceiling cracking as hot water tank left in wrong place
Mould on bathroom ceiling as loft insulation missed over bathroom
Loft-hatch that wont shut
Workmen moving tank stand on and break aerial splitter
Men turn up to repair ceiling without calling first - and have cancelled repair
Mould growing on alley wall in front room - ever since airbrick removed
Horrendous noise whenever we run hot water as tank wrongly installed

And then tonight - the bathroom lightbulb blew as I was running a bath.

And THAT was the straw that broke the grumpy's back.

ENOUGH ALREADY! My house hates me!

Good idea - wrong target group

2010-01-25T19:45:00.003Z

Notice in our local rag:

"Firefighters are appealing for youngsters to join a pilot scheme aimed at tackling childhood obesity. Youngsters aged 11-16 are being invited to join the fireFighting Fit and Healthy initiative at ........... fire station, for firefighter training, gym sessions and nutrition information with links to cadet forces and gyms"

Is that not targetting the wrong people? Kids who slob out in front of the box while cramming their mouths with junk food surely need a kick up the rear rather than a treat? If they want to lose weight and get fit can they not spend more time chasing a ball around a field or tennis court instead of being couch potatoes?

This reminds me of when YS was at upper school and his best friends were bunking off, shoplifting and bullying. YS was trying to work hard for his future, keep fit and earn some money with a paper round. His life was school work, Army Cadets and early mornings slogging around the estate. His yobbish mates were being taken on foreign trips, quad biking and paint balling - all at the expense of the taxpayer. On a low day he said to me 'why do I bother? Why dont I just pinch a car and bunk off school? Then I will get taken to the South of France for a fortnight with the others?'

I would love to use the facilities at the local fire station gym. I cant afford to join a gym and this weather is not conducive to anyone with a joint replacement doing outside sport. Perhaps I should just sit on the sofa cramming takeaways down my throat and wait for my reward????

Why TWO minutes?

2010-01-19T19:26:00.002Z

Porridge in the morning in micro - 2 minutes
Bus/Train/Tube - next transport in 2 minutes
Conditioner - leave on for 2 minutes
Facepack - dry in 2 minutes
Fax machine - busy, resent in 2 minutes
'Hang on - I will only be 2 minutes'
But can anyone tell me why 2 minutes always feels like 10?????

2010-01-15T21:44:00.003Z

Rant. Rant. Rant.
I (like many other poor souls) live in a council house.
I pay my rent every month without fail.
I keep my house in good order.
I dont have an untidy garden.
I dont disturb the peace or the neighbours.
I am a good tenant.

So why do I get treated so badly?

Last October I had a new central heating system installed - badly. It made a terrible racket. I had to take time off work (MS having taken a week off work when it was installed)to have it sorted out.
Then MS ceiling cracked. The tank had been put over it instead of where the old one was and was too heavy for the ceiling.
MM took time out of his busy day to house-sit so that the tank could be moved. On returning from work my signal splitter in the loft was out of order - so none of the TVs would work. Hardly a coincidence I feel - did they stand on it?
Then I ran the hot water - hideous noise.
Rang Seager (the contractors) - did not want to know until monday - not an emergency.
Tossers. MM came round and sorted it.

Monday i will ring the council and be very grumpy indeed!

The clothes what I wore

2010-01-11T19:29:00.002Z

Inspired by other more fashionable blogs I felt I should share the 'clothes what I wore' this weekend with you all.
On Saturday I went to Asda wearing jeans, pajama top and red cardi with silver buttons (hidden beneath a jacket gripped tight to my chest) on my way to MMs.
Once there I had a shower and put on red and black xmas sparkly socks, red knickers and a bright pink dressing gown.
Sunday I went searching for two of the bantams (who had made a bid for freedom when a fencing panel collapsed) wearing above knee orange and black stripy socks, jeans but no knickers (I was in a hurry OK?), jumper and no bra (as before), and with the same jacket yet again clutched tight.
My excuse is that I have to be smart all week and at the weekend I like to be relaxed.
MM doesnt mind (or so he says) and it feels wonderful to be messy.

Beautiful winter poem

2010-01-10T12:41:00.003Z

Thought you might all find this beautiful poem comforting:

The longest crow ever!

2010-01-07T14:32:00.000Z

Poorknee

2010-01-04T20:30:00.002Z

There will now be an interlude of self-pity.
It involves my knee - or my poorknee, as I have come to think of it.
This cold weather is torture.
It is swollen. It aches. It throbs. It clicks and clonks.
It feels like it wont hold me up on the slippery paths.
I walk like I have cr*pped myself.
I cling to MMs arm just going from the house to the car.
I am typing this with my foot on YS drumming stool.
And with a heated lavender and oat bag on poorknee.
I have taken painkillers.
I have had a long soak in a warm bath.
I cant sit with my legs crossed.
I cant get comfortable in bed.
BUT - it hurts just slightly less than it did before the op.
Poorknee - poor me.

Highlights and lowlights

2009-12-31T20:22:00.003Z

As the year ends it is time to look back - and forward.

Last year I saw Les Miserables in London, spent two weeks in fascinating, beautiful Cuba, had a chilled weekend in Birmingham,another in Cork and and a week of winter sun in Spain.

Eldest son fell in love, middle son passed his driving test, youngest son got a promotion and only daughter moved oop north with her boyfriend. My eldest nephew became a proud father and my Aunt died.My Mum had breast cancer and a mastectomy and survived and I had a prosthesis put in my knee which has released me from awful pain and difficulty walking.

I continue to work too hard, exercise too little and eat and drink too much, but I am essentially happy (though a little grumpy sometimes).

Next year is looming on the horizon and I feel it is going to be a good one.

Oh, and I dont need to make any New Year Resolutions - as the cartoon says 'I am perfect as I am' - just ask MM.

Why oh why?

2009-12-28T10:54:00.005Z

Well, thats that then. Over and done with for another year.

Now I would like a few questions answered:

Firstly - what IS this bush? It is clearly not holly but the berries are similar, and it savages your hands just like holly when you are trying to stick it in oasis.

Why does everyone moan about getting socks when actually they are one of the BEST presents?

Why do we eat and drink more than we need?

Where does christmas day morning go? Why am I charging around parboiling spuds when I should be resting the meat?

Why do we always have to retrieve the wrapping paper from the dustbin?

Why are there always left over sprouts - actually, no, I think i can answer that one myself!

Who likes mulled wine?

Why am I thankful its a whole year until we have to do it all again?

It doesnt take much..

2009-12-20T16:38:00.001Z

..... to make a grumpy old woman happy ...

Feeble....

2009-12-20T12:01:00.003Z

Snow - schmo. Boo.

BKO (before knee op) I was petrified of the snow because my knee would give way with no warning.

AKO (work it out - do I have to do everything for you?) I am petrified of the snow because if I fall down I will not be able to get up (cant kneel) and I might damage the prosthesis.

I have just emptied an entire tub of salt onto my back doorstep and I cant open the dustbins.

Walking across the garden is an option - except that I dont own a cat and therefore all the neighbourhood cats poo in my garden.

I am a nervous driver at the best of times but living in a close means that the road is not gritted and getting to the end of the close alone brings me out in a nervous rash.

Right - positive mental attitude - ummmm - give me time - errrr - Its Pretty!

Positive Mental Attitude Rules

2009-12-15T20:15:00.003Z

Now, you know me. I enjoy a grumble now and again. I have been known to take the mickey ocasionally. And I am not above being sarcastic or caustic.

But every now and then I like to take a deep breath and count my blessings. so here goes -

I have four healthy happy offspring who frequently make me very proud.
I have a partner who loves me unconditionally.
I have the best friends ever.
My parents are both still alive although nearing their 80s.
I have a job which is not everyones cup of tea but that I really like.
My body has by and large behaved and is not too shabby.
My hair is still my own (although I think it goes out raving at night - the state of it in the morning).
I have enough teeth to eat well.
I live in a warm house with nice neighbours.
I have a small economical car which gets me from A to B (I never go to C - its too far).
I have had some lovely holidays and weekends away.
In fact, if you think about it, I dont have much to compain about - darn it!

I want a dishwasher.......

2009-12-07T20:54:00.002Z

Does anyone else have washing-up olympics?

Ours begins with the chant 'I did it last time' - most often spouted by moi. And as I am considerably older than the other members of my household then, on a cummulative basis, indisputably true.

This is generally followed by much muttering and frowning from all participants until eventually someone capitulates and does the deed.

Ocasionally someone actually volunteers for the task but then plays their 'joker'. For those of you who dont know the rules, the 'joker' means that the washer-up does the job incredibly badly in the hope that he/she is never asked to do it again.

When Grumps goes away for any length of time then washing-up is suspending pending the text message that warns that I am nearly home. This is followed by a sprint around the house retrieving all the dirty crocks and results in a game of washing-up Jenga.

I want a dishwasher.......

oh dear

2009-12-01T16:58:00.002Z

I have just realised that I have been wearing my vest inside-out all day.

That makes me both aged and forgetful :-(

I havent even started.......................

2009-11-24T12:37:00.001Z

If one more person looks amazed that I havent done my Xmas shopping yet I will punch them - HARD!

I'm a show-off, watch me

2009-11-22T10:47:00.003Z

I always claim not to be a celebrity watcher. I dont watch soaps, 'talent' shows, game shows or set-up situations like Big Brother and I'm a Celebrity.

HOWEVER - I am hooked on Katie Price in the jungle. Seeing someone get their just desserts is fascinating stuff.

13

2009-11-15T12:15:00.001Z

On Friday the 13th my 13th follower signed up - gulp.

What do you think about Friday the 13th - is it to be avoided or welcomed.

I quite like the element of danger.....

Builders mate

2009-11-13T19:13:00.003Z

I have always had a yen to knock a wall down with a big hammer, and a few days ago I got my wish.

I was struggling with some seriously stressful situations at the time and thwacking a wall with a lump hammer and then kicking the s**t out of it was very cathartic.

I dont think this gives my identity away - does it?

And this was the result:

A pic from Cork

2009-11-12T14:20:00.003Z

My friend Sue and I had a couple of weeks in Turkey a while ago and we were brave (foolish) enough to go topless. Now I am blessed with what you might call titchy tits and she has bounteous bazookas. At one point we decided (for no particularly good reason) to wear each others bikini tops. Mine perched precariously on her nips and hers hung emptily down near my navel - the poor lady on the nearest sunbed nearly wet herself.

While strolling down a street in Cork town we came upon a lingerie shop and in the window were Sue and Grumpyoldwoman - Sue in a gorgeous pink LARGE bra, and me in a sickly green SMALL bra - and hers was called Susa!

I dont know what the locals thought of us collapsing with laughter and taking a photograph.

Been to Cork

2009-11-10T15:52:00.000Z

Had a great weekend in Cork - very pooped, will put up some pics and commentary soonest - dont start without me!

Halloyawn and Forget Forget

2009-10-28T18:06:00.003Z

This is the time of year that grumpyoldwomen hate with a vengeance.

There is a sign in my local shop that I lust after - it says 'Please note that all unaccompanied children will be sold to the gipsies' - I want to hang it on my front door on October 31st!

Middle son on the other hand loves this time of year. He waits on tenterhooks for the knock on the door and almost skips to the door anticipation written all over his face and flings it open, thrusting forward his huge stash of sweeties, to the sight of an almost teenage child slouching at the door wearing his normal clothes and a mask bought from the nearest poundshop. Said child mutters 'trickortreat' - dives at the bowl of goodies, having to be restrained from taking them all and leaves muttering that 'next-door had better quality sweets'.

To add to the delight of Halloween we have a (half) American family opposite who hang from a bedroom window a screeching ghost - it screeches for an average of 4 hours an evening until after Bonfire Night.

On the rare occasion that a small child dressed in a costume that had its mother burning the midnight oil appears, it is usually accompanied by said mother, who I am bound to know, and then I have to pretend to be delighted to have my evenings veiwing of repeated dross interrupted.

And then we have Bonfire Night - what is there to celebrate - the burning down of the Houses of Parliament failed! Had it succeeded I would be stood at the end of my garden burning my hard earned money with the best of them.

All together now TRICK OR TREAT.
All together now OO, AH, WOW, HOW PRETTY.

PS: Middle son wants me to point out that he is neither gay nor a paedophile (as he thinks I have made him sound) just an adult who wishes he was still young enough to dress-up and spook people. Oldest son also loves Hallloween and at the grand old age of 29 still goes to Halloween parties, dresses up and carves a pumpkin - bless him - thank goodness he no longer lives with me LMAO

Every picture tells a story

2009-10-24T17:21:00.004+01:00

I got up this morning with bedhair:

But my Betty:

laid me an egg:

Pity it was so small - or I would look stunningly beautiful again.................

Followers

2009-10-19T13:41:00.001+01:00

I have added Followers to my blog - looks a bit sad at the moment so..... please....Chase me.....

Have also had a bit of a purge and removed the defunct blogs - so sad when bloggers go to no-blogs land and leave us wanting more...