grumpyoldwoman

Why oh why?

noreply@blogger.com (grumpyoldwoman) — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 10:54:00 +0000

Well, thats that then. Over and done with for another year.

Now I would like a few questions answered:

Firstly - what IS this bush? It is clearly not holly but the berries are similar, and it savages your hands just like holly when you are trying to stick it in oasis.

Why does everyone moan about getting socks when actually they are one of the BEST presents?

Why do we eat and drink more than we need?

Where does christmas day morning go? Why am I charging around parboiling spuds when I should be resting the meat?

Why do we always have to retrieve the wrapping paper from the dustbin?

Why are there always left over sprouts - actually, no, I think i can answer that one myself!

Who likes mulled wine?

Why am I thankful its a whole year until we have to do it all again?

It doesnt take much..

noreply@blogger.com (grumpyoldwoman) — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 16:38:00 +0000

..... to make a grumpy old woman happy ...

Feeble....

noreply@blogger.com (grumpyoldwoman) — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 12:01:00 +0000

Snow - schmo. Boo.

BKO (before knee op) I was petrified of the snow because my knee would give way with no warning.

AKO (work it out - do I have to do everything for you?) I am petrified of the snow because if I fall down I will not be able to get up (cant kneel) and I might damage the prosthesis.

I have just emptied an entire tub of salt onto my back doorstep and I cant open the dustbins.

Walking across the garden is an option - except that I dont own a cat and therefore all the neighbourhood cats poo in my garden.

I am a nervous driver at the best of times but living in a close means that the road is not gritted and getting to the end of the close alone brings me out in a nervous rash.

Right - positive mental attitude - ummmm - give me time - errrr - Its Pretty!

Positive Mental Attitude Rules

noreply@blogger.com (grumpyoldwoman) — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 20:15:00 +0000

Now, you know me. I enjoy a grumble now and again. I have been known to take the mickey ocasionally. And I am not above being sarcastic or caustic.

But every now and then I like to take a deep breath and count my blessings. so here goes -

I have four healthy happy offspring who frequently make me very proud.
I have a partner who loves me unconditionally.
I have the best friends ever.
My parents are both still alive although nearing their 80s.
I have a job which is not everyones cup of tea but that I really like.
My body has by and large behaved and is not too shabby.
My hair is still my own (although I think it goes out raving at night - the state of it in the morning).
I have enough teeth to eat well.
I live in a warm house with nice neighbours.
I have a small economical car which gets me from A to B (I never go to C - its too far).
I have had some lovely holidays and weekends away.
In fact, if you think about it, I dont have much to compain about - darn it!

I want a dishwasher.......

noreply@blogger.com (grumpyoldwoman) — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 20:54:00 +0000

Does anyone else have washing-up olympics?

Ours begins with the chant 'I did it last time' - most often spouted by moi. And as I am considerably older than the other members of my household then, on a cummulative basis, indisputably true.

This is generally followed by much muttering and frowning from all participants until eventually someone capitulates and does the deed.

Ocasionally someone actually volunteers for the task but then plays their 'joker'. For those of you who dont know the rules, the 'joker' means that the washer-up does the job incredibly badly in the hope that he/she is never asked to do it again.

When Grumps goes away for any length of time then washing-up is suspending pending the text message that warns that I am nearly home. This is followed by a sprint around the house retrieving all the dirty crocks and results in a game of washing-up Jenga.

I want a dishwasher.......

oh dear

noreply@blogger.com (grumpyoldwoman) — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 16:58:00 +0000

I have just realised that I have been wearing my vest inside-out all day.

That makes me both aged and forgetful :-(

I havent even started.......................

noreply@blogger.com (grumpyoldwoman) — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 12:37:00 +0000

If one more person looks amazed that I havent done my Xmas shopping yet I will punch them - HARD!

I'm a show-off, watch me

noreply@blogger.com (grumpyoldwoman) — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 10:47:00 +0000

I always claim not to be a celebrity watcher. I dont watch soaps, 'talent' shows, game shows or set-up situations like Big Brother and I'm a Celebrity.

HOWEVER - I am hooked on Katie Price in the jungle. Seeing someone get their just desserts is fascinating stuff.

13

noreply@blogger.com (grumpyoldwoman) — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 12:15:00 +0000

On Friday the 13th my 13th follower signed up - gulp.

What do you think about Friday the 13th - is it to be avoided or welcomed.

I quite like the element of danger.....

Builders mate

noreply@blogger.com (grumpyoldwoman) — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 19:13:00 +0000

I have always had a yen to knock a wall down with a big hammer, and a few days ago I got my wish.

I was struggling with some seriously stressful situations at the time and thwacking a wall with a lump hammer and then kicking the s**t out of it was very cathartic.

I dont think this gives my identity away - does it?

And this was the result:

A pic from Cork

noreply@blogger.com (grumpyoldwoman) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 14:20:00 +0000

My friend Sue and I had a couple of weeks in Turkey a while ago and we were brave (foolish) enough to go topless. Now I am blessed with what you might call titchy tits and she has bounteous bazookas. At one point we decided (for no particularly good reason) to wear each others bikini tops. Mine perched precariously on her nips and hers hung emptily down near my navel - the poor lady on the nearest sunbed nearly wet herself.

While strolling down a street in Cork town we came upon a lingerie shop and in the window were Sue and Grumpyoldwoman - Sue in a gorgeous pink LARGE bra, and me in a sickly green SMALL bra - and hers was called Susa!

I dont know what the locals thought of us collapsing with laughter and taking a photograph.

Been to Cork

noreply@blogger.com (grumpyoldwoman) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 15:52:00 +0000

Had a great weekend in Cork - very pooped, will put up some pics and commentary soonest - dont start without me!

Halloyawn and Forget Forget

noreply@blogger.com (grumpyoldwoman) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 18:06:00 +0000

This is the time of year that grumpyoldwomen hate with a vengeance.

There is a sign in my local shop that I lust after - it says 'Please note that all unaccompanied children will be sold to the gipsies' - I want to hang it on my front door on October 31st!

Middle son on the other hand loves this time of year. He waits on tenterhooks for the knock on the door and almost skips to the door anticipation written all over his face and flings it open, thrusting forward his huge stash of sweeties, to the sight of an almost teenage child slouching at the door wearing his normal clothes and a mask bought from the nearest poundshop. Said child mutters 'trickortreat' - dives at the bowl of goodies, having to be restrained from taking them all and leaves muttering that 'next-door had better quality sweets'.

To add to the delight of Halloween we have a (half) American family opposite who hang from a bedroom window a screeching ghost - it screeches for an average of 4 hours an evening until after Bonfire Night.

On the rare occasion that a small child dressed in a costume that had its mother burning the midnight oil appears, it is usually accompanied by said mother, who I am bound to know, and then I have to pretend to be delighted to have my evenings veiwing of repeated dross interrupted.

And then we have Bonfire Night - what is there to celebrate - the burning down of the Houses of Parliament failed! Had it succeeded I would be stood at the end of my garden burning my hard earned money with the best of them.

All together now TRICK OR TREAT.
All together now OO, AH, WOW, HOW PRETTY.

PS: Middle son wants me to point out that he is neither gay nor a paedophile (as he thinks I have made him sound) just an adult who wishes he was still young enough to dress-up and spook people. Oldest son also loves Hallloween and at the grand old age of 29 still goes to Halloween parties, dresses up and carves a pumpkin - bless him - thank goodness he no longer lives with me LMAO

Every picture tells a story

noreply@blogger.com (grumpyoldwoman) — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 16:21:00 +0000

I got up this morning with bedhair:

But my Betty:

laid me an egg:

Pity it was so small - or I would look stunningly beautiful again.................

Followers

noreply@blogger.com (grumpyoldwoman) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 12:41:00 +0000

I have added Followers to my blog - looks a bit sad at the moment so..... please....Chase me.....

Have also had a bit of a purge and removed the defunct blogs - so sad when bloggers go to no-blogs land and leave us wanting more...

A Spanish Siesta (with Sangria)

noreply@blogger.com (grumpyoldwoman) — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 19:09:00 +0000

Well, its been and gone and the tan is already fading - boo!

People watching is a favourite hobby of mine and the holiday did not disappoint.

There was 'Mr I dont really need a wheelchair'(like Andy in Little Britain). He wheeled himself around in his motorised scooter getting in everyones way and catching everyones heels. But - come mealtimes - he parked up in the place that was in the way of the most people possible. And then he stepped out, picked up the chairs (that were so heavy that most folk could hardly move them) and rearranged them to annoy the most people possible. And then he raced around the buffet restaurant ducking and diving and filling his plate. After consuming several platefuls he returned to his scooter (acquiring a limp) and wheeled himself out to the outside seating area where he repeated the chair-moving and parking in the most awkward point. He left early - presumably in order not to miss signing-on.....

There was 'Mrs I have a terrible cough and dont like being told where to sit' - who chain-smoked and then needed a nebuliser.....

There was 'Wayne-the-pain' - a total Jack-the-lad, who, for some inexplicable reason, thought that everyone loved him. 2 days after he arrived (2 days after us) he compared his tan to mine and asked if I had been hiding from the sun. He arrived after his ex-girlfriend and proceeded to spend her Euros with impunity - even buying us a drink (I thanked HER not HIM). She was in lurve and couldnt see what a plonker he was.

The entertainment staff were everyones friend around the pool when they wanted people to play Pool Tournament (no thank you, I came on a winter break to relax and soak up the rays) but cut you dead at breakfast.

And then there were the Reps (or the invisible crew as we came to know them). Turned up to try to sell us overpriced trips or persuade us to take free trips (if we listened to a presentation on how to sleep - we generally find that being quiet and shutting our eyes works quite well). After being totally absent for a week they then nagged us on the coach home to give them top marks on our questionaire or they would struggle to find a winter placement. Fancy asking a grumpyoldwoman to fib....

Despite all of the above (and possibly partly thanks to the fact that a Mr Bean look-and-sound-alike manned reception) we had a fab holiday. Lots of sun, lots of swimming, lots of Sangria and far too much food.

New boots

noreply@blogger.com (grumpyoldwoman) — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 19:24:00 +0000

New purple boots.

I LOVE them - want to take them to bed with me and hold them in my arms all night.

Salou, Costa Dorado, here we come..

noreply@blogger.com (grumpyoldwoman) — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 09:52:00 +0000

So its ADIOS to England, HOLA to Spain, where we hope to have FELICES FIESTAS - and we will HASTA PRONTO.

Missing you already.........................

Not having favourites

noreply@blogger.com (grumpyoldwoman) — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 17:57:00 +0000

Of course we dont have a favourite.

It would be totally wrong to have a favourite.

They are all beautiful.

OK OK Here she is: Kirsty

Meet the girls

noreply@blogger.com (grumpyoldwoman) — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 18:20:00 +0000

Yes - we were going for 2, 3 at the most, and we got 5! Two black, two speckled and a really lovely girl with a creamy chest and tufted face. One of the blacks is called Betty, the other is still a bit tatty as she is moulting so we cant name her yet. The two speckled hens are as yet nameless (and identical) and the pretty girl is called Kirsty. She is named for a friend of mine who is always in charge and very fashion conscious. Kirsty has already established herself as being the queen of the coop.

I have just checked on them and the two pairs are on either end of the roost snuggled up together and at first I could not find Kirsty - but I might have known that she had set up residence in the little hen house. My friend Kirsty always has the best room and her namesake is clearly going to be no different - how funny!!!

We will always miss Barbie but I think she would have loved the girls - and so will we. Fingers crossed for some tasty bantam eggs for breakfast.

Inconvenience at the convenience store

noreply@blogger.com (grumpyoldwoman) — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 11:11:00 +0000

On Monday morning at 08.20 at my local supermarket they test the fire alarms - I know this, they know this, every early morning shopper knows this - we all ignore it. THIS Monday morning at 08.20 they decided to have a fire drill. Now, clearly, this will not work. We all KNOW it isnt real even when they insist that there is a real fire. The shoppers were sent to a point equidistant between the store and the petrol station (erm Hello - if the fire should spread is this not possibly the WORST place for a crowd to be standing?). Brazenly ignoring my own safety I made for the cashpoint so that I could take out some money and shop elsewhere. No-one challenged me for being on the wall of the (supposedly burning) building. On rounding the corner on the way back to my car I spotted the people from the cafe eating their breakfasts from their trays seated on the kerb. One lady was holding a tray while a man ate off it (theres the true British grit that we are so famed for). I applaud Tes... (oops, nearly named the store there) for being vigilant and safety-conscious but think that 08.20 on a Monday morning was a pretty silly time to do the drill. I might have played along and believed it if they had chosen a totally different time from the usual.

And incidentally, I was late to work - which of course made me very GRUMPY!

Not put off I returned to the store this morning at - oh, I think it was roughly - 08.20. I was walking along the pathway around the car park when I met with the guy who tidies the public areas and his broom and cart. He was pushing the cart while looking behind him, and so that he would not knock into me I said 'Good Morning' loudly and cheerily; he shoved the cart harder and I threw myself to one side clutching my knee. And his response? 'Nearly got ya'.

Every little helps.........

Overexcited

noreply@blogger.com (grumpyoldwoman) — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 21:03:00 +0000

In just under a week we are getting some new little playmates for Crispy the duck. MM is getting the garden prepared and making them a nice little secure run. He is getting their feed and water container sorted. They will be Black Belgian Bantam chicks. I am doing absolutely nothing to help except hug myself every time I think of them - oops, I feel a squeal coming on too.

I think they may look like this:

Sometimes......

noreply@blogger.com (grumpyoldwoman) — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 23:00:00 +0000

I wonder why we have free-will and what makes the world go round.

Tribute to Barbie

noreply@blogger.com (grumpyoldwoman) — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 21:26:00 +0000

My lovely Barbie (pictured above in her summer plumage) is now no more. She spent most of her 18 months sharing the garden with a mad mallard and I think she probably thought that she was a duck too.

She was stoical about her twisted feet (if MM had not had her she would have had an even shorter life) and was only afraid of butterflies.

She loved to go off adventuring and had to be rescued from next-doors garden and also once crossed the road (as in the famous joke) - though we still dont know why. She enjoyed a dust bath daily and also like to lie spread out in the sun.

Her favourite pastime was eating and she especially liked grapes and bananas. She would eat banana almost from MMs mouth while 'perching' on his arm and ran faster than Linford Christie if you threw a grape across the garden. She even 'stole' the grapes from Crispys (the duck) beak.

Her eggs were pure white and the yolks so rich and golden.

For a while she held out hopes of being a mother (but as she had never been 'churched' it wasnt to be); and then she moulted and looked rather bedraggled. Her tail feathers were just poking through and she was going to be beautiful again.

But it was not to be. Today, August 25th 2009, Barbie went for a swim in the duckpond. She was a typical birdbrain and probably thought she could do anything the duck could.

Now she lies under the bushes having the ultimate dustbath. She had a happy life and we loved her - we will miss her dearly. Sleep well sweet Barbie.

Ever wanted to squelch a slug? I do!

noreply@blogger.com (grumpyoldwoman) — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 09:24:00 +0000

Here is a picture to sum up the 'person' that stole my daughters beloved Staffie. He is gorgeous with the nicest nature ever - he would never hurt a slug, which is unfortunate because that is an apt description of the 'person' that took him from the home where he was treated like a prince and adored every minute of the day.

The police think it was gypsies. Carter was a rescue dog and had been chipped for his own protection. Presumably he was taken to sell on or for breeding purposes. He cannot breed (that should have been obvious to anyone with half a brain) and apparently gypsies remove the chip which would make him scarred and therefore less lucrative.

I detest slugs, they are slimey and too big for their boots. They do a lot of damage and seem to have no redeeming features. Point made.