To sleep, perchance to... SLEEP!

I am deprived - sleep deprived. Granted I dont stay awake ALL night - it just feels like it.

I have read up on the subject and it is terrifying. Sleep deprivation leads to all sorts of evils - like stunted growth (unlikely at my great age), weight-gain (more likely, sadly), depression, Bi-polar disorder (aarrgghh - I dont want to be Kerry Katona), brain disfunction mimicing ADHD (sweet Jesus - nooooo)and ultimately - death (the greatest sleep of all). Another by-product is memory loss and that one I can definately relate to.

My head feels fuzzy and my eyes gritty. My hands are shakey and I have a continual feeling that I have forgotten something desperately important.

Now, I wont claim that I am being imprisoned or tortured - on the contrary, MM is taking VERY GOOD CARE of me. But I can relate to this:

"In the head of the interrogated prisoner, a haze begins to form. His spirit is wearied to death, his legs are unsteady, and he has one sole desire: to sleep...Anyone who has experienced this desire knows that not even hunger and thirst are comparable with it." (supposedly a quote from Menachem Begin).

About one night in four I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow and though I wake every two hours I go straight back to sleep. But 3 nights in four I toss and turn and sigh.

I have never been the worlds best sleeper (in contrast to MM who can, and does, fall asleep like someone has hypnotised him) but I am much worse since the knee op. All day when it hurts I can exercise or go for a walk, I can rest it for a bit or massage it, I can divert myself with Loose Women or a good book. But at night it burns like a blow-torch is trained on it. I can lie on my left side or back, but not on my right or front. Getting out of bed it feels like it is going to turn inside-out and not hold me up. I put it under the duvet/on top of the duvet, I lay a cold flannel on it, I take painkillers. Eventually I fall into an exhausted sleep for maybe 20 minutes only to jerk awake and begin again.

Now, reading this has probably sent you all into a deep sleep - oh how I envy you. There is only one other thing as tiring as not being able to sleep and that is bathing/showering. I have a bath seat (made lovingly by MM) and a non-slip mat (horrid thing) and hand-rails. After negotiating all of these and actually washing myself I am almost too knackered to get back out and dry myself. Wouldnt you think that after doing that I would be so worn out that I would sleep - dont you believe it.

Sigh..................